Harry Potter and The Fan Fiction Soapbox
by Cito-Stercoro
Summary: Harry looks into this crazy world of fan fiction and shares his own opinions of a few things.
1. Chapter 1 The Soapbox Begins

Disclaimer: I Own Nothing, Harry Potter and his friends belong to J. K. Rowling.

A/N: I have several random thoughts on Harry Potter Fan-fiction this is my soapbox to rant, praise or say WTF!!!

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Gringotts and Galleons

"Hello Goblin, I'm out for an overly used yet seldom creative shopping excursion and I was wondering if there was a way to carry thousands of galleons around with me?"

"Well Mr. Potter we have the standard bottomless-moneybag that will withdraw directly from your vault, also there is the father-light moneybag that can carry all the funds you need, the easiest way however is the one hundred galleon palladium coins."

"Yes the coins do sound most practical and I've only seen them used in a few other Fic's so I will take thirty of those and the muggle credit card because it seems the most logical as well."

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Why do you not see this in the Wizarding monetary system why could you not have a ten Galleon coin or a hundred Galleon coin some would stipulate that the gold coin would be ten or a hundred times larger than the standard single galleon coin but there are other precious metals that could be used Platinum and Palladium for example you say they wouldn't fit accurately into the coinage but then again an ounce of silver is worth about twenty US dollars and an ounce of gold is worth about one thousand US dollars so you would have to have around fifty sickles to equal the value of one galleon if the two coins were around the same size.

So here is my thoughts and opinions on different coins You could have a Ten Galleon Platinum Coin and a One hundred Galleon Palladium Coin this would lighten a moneybag by having ten one hundred galleon palladium coins instead of one thousand one galleon coins it would also cut down on vault size could you imagine having one million one galleon coins in a vault even if it was stacked in interlocking metal trays at ten high by ten wide by ten long to equal ten thousand galleons per tray you would still have one hundred trays but if you had one million galleons in one hundred galleon palladium coins stacked in trays you would only have ten trays that would be roughly the size of the box your printer came in.

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Students Love Teachers

"Hey Hermione, where are you headed?"

"Harry, you know I have been having special classes with professor Snape in the evening."

"Hermione, I did remember but you take the classes dressed like you are and people will start getting the wrong idea."

"Whatever do you mean, Harry"

"Hermione, your dressed like a tart, low cut, skin tight shirt, short, leather miniskirt, stockings and heels, and enough makeup to paint a portrait."

"Harry professor Snape is the only person who understands me with that greasy hair and those black eyes. Besides I read a Fan fiction a few weeks ago that had you down there and from what I read he's been giving you a bit of his own special potion ingredient."

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ANY paring between an adult and an underage child is wrong in my opinion. Any paring between a teacher and a student is wrong no matter what the age!

I have read Fan-fiction that paired an emancipated Harry with N. Tonks even this in my opinion is borderline. However compared to some it is acceptable.

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Imperial Vs. Metric

"Hermione, do wizards use the old imperial system of measurement or the new system or metrics?"

"Harry, the metric system was internationally adopted in 1960 and wizarding homes still use candlelight to read by why would you think that wizards would use something as simple as the metric system for measurement."

"Then what are all those Fan-fiction authors to do, do they use the Imperial system or the Metric system?"

"they should use which ever they are most comfortable with. However there really should be a conversion chart."

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1 Inch (in) 2.54 cm

1 Foot (ft) 30.48 cm

1 Yard (yd) 91.44 cm 0.914 m

1 Fluid ounce (fl oz) 29.57 ml

1 Pint (pt) 473 ml

1 Gallon (gal) 3.79 l

1 Ounce (oz) 28 g

1 Pound (lb) 454 g

Please correct any of my mistakes.

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Please review these chapters are mostly just random thoughts and rants :)


	2. Chapter 2 The Soapbox Continues

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Disclaimer: I own nothing, Harry Potter and his friends belong to J. K. Rowling.

A/N: I have several random thoughts on Harry Potter Fan-fiction this is my soapbox to rant, praise or say WTF!!!

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Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger

"Hey Hermione, what are you looking at?"

"Oh, just a picture of Ron."

"You know you could do better."

With a long sigh she closed her eyes and said, "sometimes I think the same thing he really is too jealous and immature for his age. I guess I could blame it on his childhood and the way he was raised but then again he is old enough to make a mature decision and quit being so childish."

"Well if he's acting this way at sixteen then how will it be five or ten years from now?"

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Seven books show Ron as being short tempered, irrational, and childish. In every book he put down Hermione, constantly started arguments with her because he refused her point of view, and ignored her yet he was always the most jealous when someone else noticed her, which leads to the belief that he was waiting for something better to come his way but just in case it didn't he didn't want anyone else getting her. They may never have kissed if Hermione hadn't made the move that she did. Some say he was shy but it didn't prevent him from sucking face with Lavender. When he did give her compliments it was due to a book he read. I think his upbringing played a large part in his character, he never saw what he had in his family as anything much more than poor and embarrassing. Anyone having more than he did was someone to be jealous of, I think that is why he always argued with Hermione, eventually something like that will turn into constant insults. Most likely he would never become abusive physically but there are several loose definitions of abuse even a fear that he would leave her like he did in book seven would be mentally abusive.

Some have called Hermione a diamond in the rough she easily gets the award for being the favorite female caricature she is also the one with the lowest self esteem. Her parents were successful muggle dentists which leads one to believe that they were well educated. They probably pushed her into studying hard and learning all she could about everything. She was probably a little nerdy in school and didn't have many friends. Made fun of due to her overbite. She would have easily turned to her studies as a substitute for friends. A few said at first that it was not normal for a girl to be such good friends with two boys, I think being rescued from a troll by two boys made her feel special that's why she clung to their friendship. Yes she was irritating at times but always in a protective and caring way and she did lighten up throughout the books.

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Epic Disaster

"Hermione, why didn't we end up together in the end?"

"Well Harry book six and seven drifted away from that pairing not to mention the epilogue at the end."

"Still I think we would have made a good pair."

"Yes it would have been nice to have been Hermione Potter, Perhaps someone will write a good Fan-fiction that will solve this problem maybe even a book eight"

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Years of waiting for each book to be published and well over three hundred U.S. dollars spent on purchasing the hard back edition of the books and also every movie released so far. Then I read the epilogue in book seven...Ugh!

Actually Books six, and seven seemed to take a definite turn from how the first five in the series began. I'm not saying I didn't like the last two books because I did I even enjoyed the downfall of old moldyshorts. However Bumbledore was very manipulative and it just seemed to convenient how everything fell perfectly into place. I guess that's why my favorite fan-fic's are set after the Department of Mysteries.

I search still for a cannon compliant fan fiction that is post war and results with Harry and Hermione ending up together and is non-epilogue compliant. meaning that neither Ron nor Ginny has to die or be in a coma and Harry and Hermione doesn't have an affair. I would love to read a diverted one-shot, a short story, or novel length fic that is set after Deathly Hollows Chapter Thirty-Six (page 750) minus the ripped out and stomped on epilogue.

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Please review all comments, corrections, and suggestions welcome :)

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Harry Potter and friends belong to J. K. Rowling.

A/N I have several random thoughts on Harry Potter fan fiction this is my soapbox to rant, praise or say WTF?!

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Britishisms

Bloody hell VS. Holy shit

Crikey VS. Crap

Bullocks VS. Bull shit

You lot VS. You all

Best mate VS. Best friend

Flat VS. Apartment

Solicitor VS. Lawyer

Loo VS. Toilet

Biscuit VS. Cookie

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I've read a lot of reviews posted on other stories from people who think that a story should be written totally based on a British viewpoint with British slang and grammar. I'm an American and respect my British brethren but I can't talk like them and I would dare say would do more damage to the British dialect trying to transpose American grammar into British grammar. I believe if a story is well written and doesn't have too many grammatical errors then the writing style should stand whether it is British or not.


	4. Chapter 4 Relationships

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Harry Potter and friends belong to J. K. Rowling.

A/N I have several random thoughts on Harry Potter fan fiction this is my soapbox to rant, praise or say WTF?!

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Relationships

"Darling I'm home"

"Harry your late why didn't you flu me and tell me you were going to be late?"

"Hermione I'm not late."

"Harry what time was it when you walked in."

"Umm... a few minutes after five I guess."

"It was five sixteen and you get off work at five with ten minutes of cleanup and desk organization and five minutes of travel time you should have been here at five fifteen. So why are you fluing in at sixteen after?"

"Hermione it's just one minute."

"Harry I have our afternoons scheduled down to the second, now go upstairs and shower and put on the cloths I laid out for you."

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Okay maybe I was a bit hard on Hermione but I don't think I missed it by THAT much. I asked the question in chapter two of why Harry and Hermione didn't end up together at the end of book seven, which is a good question it really did surprise me that they didn't end up together, but my opinion of a Harry and Hermione pairing is as dreadful a thought as a Harry and Ginny pairing although most fan fiction authors do portray Hermione with a repressed wild side just waiting to be uncovered (It's always the quiet ones) so I do tend to lean more toward Harry and Hermione in those type of Fanfic's.

My opinion from an adult point of view cannot be helped. Being the typical male that I am I do tend to judge these fictional relationships on more than just who the person is and what kind of emotional relationship they would have. Yes I am talking physical nocturnal activities thank you very much, while good communication, love and understanding is essential nothing says I love you better than a good shag and I ain't talkin', darlin' that was wonderful we should do it again sometime, NO I mean two hours of Cirque du Soleil, Lime Jell-o wrestling, and a good healthy dose of depravity. I know that crosses some invisible line of what is acceptable and what is not, and it definitely does if an author is directing there fan fiction towards a younger audience where the characters should be kissing and holding hands.

The point I'm trying hard and failing miserably to make is simply this ladies would you want your daughters to be married to Ron and guys your son may be organized if they are married to Hermione but are they gonna be happy? Most authors don't think about what there version of these characters are going to be like in ten years you may say its only Fan fiction but I have seen stories that have taken at least a year to complete, I do in fact base most of these opinions on one hundred thousand word plus stories because most one shot's that I read don't give me enough of a story to get a good feel of the characters so when you write a story please put a little thought in your parings.

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I would like to say this to all that read this soapbox when it started I had just spent two hours in an HP chat room observing the conversation and adding my own opinions to the topics so if it seems I ran out of steam well... I did. Really I try to add interesting opinions and if you will read the reviews I do take the serious ones to heart, so give me a topic and I'll add it. I'm thinking of adding a chapter on HP fan fiction Humor, spoofs and parody's I simply love a good Harry Potter comedy try these authors and recommend a few more.

nonjon, Rorschach's Blot, and canoncansodoff

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If you want a rant then I got a good one the spell checker on fanfiction(.)net say's that I have spelled (fluing, avada kedavra, and wingardium leviosa) incorrectly and when I click for the correct spelling those words are not listed in the correction list. Which means that a fan fiction site featuring two thirds Harry Potter fan fiction does not have a spell checker capable of correcting common misspelled words used in the Harry Potter books and fan fiction. However, Hogwarts does have a listing so I guess it's not all bad.

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Please review; all comments, corrections, and suggestions for future soapbox chapters welcome :)


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